Psychological Testicular Trauma

So, I've been kicked in the nuts yet again by Hartford. I took Linear Algebra for the third time this past month, and I did pretty good the first two tests: 80 and 79, which pans out to a B. But the third test I slipped and got a 70. That pushed my average down to B-. My needing a B or B+ to ensure that I could get my degree, I opted for the final exam. Studied hard, took the exam.


65.


Sixty fucking five.


That brought my average down to C+. Granted this the highest grade I've gotten in math since maybe high school. But I can't help but feel as if my professor helped me and told me to go fuck myself at the same time. I let him know my situation a number of times, but didn't seem to take it into consideration at all. I tried so hard to do well in that class but it backfired on me. That's pretty much how I feel about most of the courses I took in Hartford. So now it stands that I've taken all the courses I need for my major, but my gpa is off by .05, so I'm not going to get my diploma. I'm fucking pissed but there is very little I can do at this point. It makes no sense to go back full time for only one class that I would take, and going back to Hartford would involve me obtaining a job and place to stay. Both will be hard to do in a month, especially since I don't even live there. The only way that may possibly work is if I nail a job opening at Fox 61 in Hartford that I'm going to apply for. Other than that, I'll have to figure out other ways to get this diploma. I'm tired of being fucked over by this school.

As of right now I'm back at home trying to figure out my options. It's been good being back at home. I'm not stressed out anymore, my hair's not falling out anymore, things are alright for now.

Life as I know it....

Life...well, life is kinda weird right now. Classes are going as planned I guess. Just trying to hold on long enough to graduate. I think I really need to get out of this place. With all the good things that have come from this school, mainly all the people I have met here and the friendships I've forged herein, but I find myself constantly fighting myself in a constant internal struggle. Mainly fighting in my head about why I'm still here, why I can't do better in my classes no matter how hard I try, and why my luck in terms of finding a girlfriend has been absolute shit in a handbasket these last four years. I think the mixture of these three has been eating at me these last few months.

Saturday morning I woke up and I felt so depressed, I could have broke into a flood of tears for no reason at any moment. It was really fucking scary, I had never felt that way before. It was almost like a bipolar episode. If it weren't for the fact that a friend of mine was coming to pick me up and hang out later that day, I don't know what would have happened. The fact that I live in a single would not have helped matters. This room has been my fortress of solitude more than a home this entire year.

I think the main thing that has been weighing the heaviest on me as of late is the whole no girlfriend deal. As years have progressed I've noticed myself having more and more trouble finding those of the opposite sex I can relate to. Maybe it's because I'm really picky about who I want to get to know and be close to. Well, if my track record serves me right, my filtering system sucks ass. I've been most afraid of having another Carla on my hands. I told her how I felt about her, then shortly thereafter because of a strange series of events our friendship came to an extreme screeching halt. Nah, more like a brick wall in the road I didn't see coming because I was busy talking on the phone. So far, the only females I seem to be attracted to are ones that are taken, ones that are mentally unstable, and ones that have very low standards (read: enjoy the company of the human equivalent of baboons.) As of late, a strange random mix of the three. I just feel like I can't win. Maybe I should be like one of those asshole baboons to get attention. Oh, wait...I actually care about people's feelings. Should I just stop caring? Somebody tell me something.

Now that I have properly ranted, maybe I can get some work done.

Holy Shizz!

According to NBC 30 (Northern Connecticut's NBC station), all of Connecticut is expected to get 10-18 inches of snow! We're seriously getting snow-pwn3d. sn0wned.

Good Stuff....

If anyone here grew up watching Doug on Nickelodeon, or the later shitty Disney version, you may or may not like this following webcomic spoof. I found it hilarious. Check it out: http://www.punksandnerds.com/d/0149.html

Real update later in the day....

Ladies and Gentleman, Your attention please....

[Listening to: Coheed & Cambria - Everything Evil from the album "The Second Stage Turbine Blade"]

That is all.

And now, a moment of WTF...

I woke up this morning and noticed that somebody had called my cell phone. I looked at the number, at first I didn't recognize it, then I noticed something very odd about it. Take a look and see if you can figure it out...

I just saw a commercial for a product called "Bling It On", it's basically plastic jewels with sticky bottoms so they can stick on anything. What made that commercial absolutely fucking terrible was the fact that the actors comprised of prissy ass white girls using the word "bling". What made it even worse was the part with the middle aged mom "blinging out".... are you ready for this.... her LAPTOP!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!

(Takes deep breath) I'm done. My brain hurts. Fuck this world.