Summer... Part 3

Part 3: Love

It took me a bit of time to decide if this part would be worth writing about. I am still currently sans a girlfriend, and yes it still sucks. It's been about four years since my last relationship, and I think i'm about due for a change of scenery. The only thing is that I rarely find anyone that piques my interest enough that I consider pursuing them. I am an incredibly picky person, and I go through a sort of screening process in my head whenever I meet new people. I can't be friends with just anyone. My screening process is even more strict when it comes to potential girlfriends. It has to be, going into a relationship is a significant decision where where you open you heart to someone.
With that being said, where the hell am I going with all this? I figured I'd take a moment to reflect on someone that helped make my summer even better than I could've imagined.

Not sure if I've ever mentioned my friend Carla in this blog, but she has been a pretty important part of my life these last four years. I met her through a mutual friend one day, and from that point on we somehow managed to keep in contact. We can't figure out ourselves how we managed that. We've collectively lost contact with quite a few friends over the years, but we're still good friends. Interesting, ain't it? Over the past few years we saw each other every now and then and hung out. It was hard not to bump into one another, she worked across the street from my dorm. After a while we got to know each other fairly well. Admittedly I had a thing for her back then. I couldn't say anything though, she had a boyfriend and I didn't want to get in the way of their relationship. It was all good though, She was good people.

Cut to about four months ago, school is almost over, and as it turns out, I'd be in Connecticut for the summer. I let Carla know that I would be around, and she tells me that she'd be around as well and we'd definitely hang out. "I will make sure your summer is not boring" was her words. The summer instantly sounded promising.

For the next few months during weekends and days off, we spent a lot of time together. We got an opportunity to really get to know each other, learn what makes each other tick. We got to meet and hang out with each other's friends. Shared lots of good moments together. I started to really feel something for her. She's really something special. Can you name someone who gave you one of their original paintings as a birthday present? You can't, can you? Alright. The idea comes up in my head to ask her out. She's single at this point, so it could be worth a shot. There were a few things holding me back. For one, she has lots of guys hitting on her constantly, and I didn't want to be like one of those cornball assholes. Another thing that kept me from asking was the possibility of things becoming awkward between the two of us once I ask and she says no. As a male, I am completely incapable of judging female attraction according to the second law of sexual dynamics: If you think a girl is interested in you, you are wrong. So I kept that thought to myself and continued taking in all the fun times.

It seemed to me like a lot of my friends felt that Carla and I could be a good match. I found it interesting to know that one of them actually thought we were going out. Signs were showing up for me to ask her out. Friends were telling me I should ask her out. Feelings were boiling up inside me. It felt right to ask her out. I just had to find the right time to ask her. Fast forward to Saturday. Carla comes over to hang out for the day. She takes some time to check her horoscope. It gave me the opportunity to check my horoscope as well seeing as how we're under the same sign. She checked one horoscope site, and it didn't seem like it pertained to me, but the other site I felt hit it on the nose:

Relationships in general will come under the spotlight today as you find that you’re being pulled in all directions. You might feel inclined to try and dodge the arising issues today, but the planets indicate that these matters can be resolved with a little straight-talking!

"Shit, today is the day," I say to myself. While trying to find the right way to break that bit of info, John IMs me and says he's bored, so we invite him to join in our shenanigans. We all go out to eat at Chili's and laugh and chat away. Afterwards we go back to John's and watch a few random videos. We were trying to pass some time while we waited for the arrival of X, who was coming in for a visit. We get ready to go, and while we let John go and get his car, Carla and I take a little walk. That was the alone time I needed with her to tell her.

"I have a confession to make, you're probably not gonna see this coming. I wanna go out with you."

Carla was slightly surprised and taken aback. She was quite flattered to know that I wanted to date her. We talked for a while, and came to the conclusion that now is not the right time for a relationship. I'm trying to finish my BA for January, Carla is trying to finish her MFA for this coming May, so needless to say we'd both be too busy with school to have time for each other. Blargh. Disappointed, yes, but also relieved. I had no idea how much that was eating at me until I told her. I felt so much better afterwards, and felt even better knowing that there will be nothing awkward between us. Perhaps it can/will happen one day. But until that day, a guy can dream, can't he?