Eh....

You ever know someone who made you depressed whenever you talk to them? Is it bad that the person I'm referring to is my grandmother? She's the kind of person who holds on to the past (I mean grabs onto it for dear life) and never lets go. When I say the past, I mean back in her childhood. Nothing traumatic or anything, I would understand if something traumatic happened to her and it's affected her. It's like her life is defined by bad memories or memories of things that didn't go her way. This was long before the Alzheimer's traits had set in. Now it's even worse, and she won't let go of the past (or what she percieves happened in the past.) It bothers the hell out of me, I can't imagine how my mother is feeling because all of my grandmother's aggression falls on her. What's sad is that most/all the things that she says my mother has said/done either didn't happen or she took it the wrong way. Another thing that frustrates me is her pessimistic view of EVERYTHING. It's like she can't be happy for anyone. She always sees the downside to things. I told her about my new job, she thinks of the possiblity of me getting robbed while I'm working there. Is happiness even feasible with her? Is it in her vocabulary at all? It's as if she lives and thrives off of negativity, even though we all see that it eats away at her. The sad part is she'll probably never learn to let go if she hasn't learned how at this point in her life.

The frustration is making my head hurt. Writing this down has made me feel better though. I'll be off to work in about a half hour so I can think about happier things, like money, and negotiating work hours, and screwing with the kids that frequent the internet cafe on a daily basis.